When I Was a Loser by John McNally

Author:John McNally
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2007-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

In the only Little League photo I remember, I look like one of the coaches. I literally towered over every other kid on the team. But my growth rate had far outstripped large motor coordination, and so I struggled with advanced athletic concepts, such as throwing. Catching. Hitting.

I clomped through grade school in floodwater pants and orthopedic shoes. I had thin hair, a snaggle-toothed smile. Acne came early, and it came hard. I remember a fifth-grade class exercise that involved joining hands and standing in a circle; by a stroke of dumb luck, I’d ended up next to my crush, the cutest girl in the pod. I still remember the thrill of that small, smooth hand in mine. But even more keenly, I remember the moment she noticed whose hand she was holding. She made a noise and jerked away, and then she wiggled all over. She didn’t mean to. Her reaction was so involuntary, I couldn’t even blame her. The way she shuddered, I could feel the cooties.

But this isn’t about that. This is an anthology of teenage loser stories, and the truth is, by my teen years, I had more or less grown into myself. Less than some kids, more than others.

Bottom line: it could have been worse.

Here’s the important point. My childhood, growing up where I did—in rural southeastern Nebraska, on family farmland my family no longer farmed—set me apart from both the town kids and the farm kids at school (let alone the seething thug factory that was nearby Lincoln).

But it also provided acres of solitude and not too many chores, which suited me more than I probably understood at the time. Such environs may or may not improve eye-hand coordination, but they certainly taught me how to be by myself. And they gave room for a spacious internal life. Add an unpopular streak in the schoolyard, and there I was: physically awkward, pining for adventure, prone to fantasy.

INT. A MIDDLE SCHOOL HALLWAY -- DAY

Two sixth-graders, current best friends, exit the boy’s room and head for class. VAN WALLACE is one of the cool kids, a little edgy, a little tough, not the least bit self-conscious about hanging around with a dork like ME.

ME has been, of late, in the throes of an obsession with the book The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton.

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